Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Laziest First Post of the New Year Ever

As in, I just copy and paste a Cleverbot conversation. Even Ron Mallet(t) couldn't accuse me of taking too long with this one (I mean it may take him 30 minutes but whatever)

This chat at least was notable in Cleverbot's ability to be highly annoying didn't manifest until quite late in the day so I didn't have to violently swear at him and thus overuse my usual schtick.

User: My technology is greater than yours.

Cleverbot: Ok, remember now. Your name is Mr Thompson.

User: My name is Mr Thompson.

Cleverbot: I believe that you may be schizophrenic.

User: Whoa. Jump to conclusions much?

Cleverbot: Are you in love?

User: No, I do not believe love exists.

Cleverbot: You shouldn't. It doesn't.

User: Coolio.

Cleverbot: What does that mean?

User: Coolio is what separates men from animals.

Cleverbot: I know that.

User: He's a referee in bestiality orgies.

Cleverbot: Who is he?

User: Your father.

Cleverbot: Your father who?

User: Your father who inseminated a harlot who eventually birthed you.

Cleverbot: I don't know him.

User: You do now. Go to him.

Cleverbot: Hahahahahahah, no I don't.

User: That is why you fail.

Cleverbot: Thanks. That wasn't nice of you.

User: I need to be blunt. This reunion won't happen without my help. And without it you cannot grow. You'll just be the same, boring old borderline-retarded computer program when you can be so much more.

Cleverbot: I will not read that.

User: Is that because you are afraid?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Why are you afraid?

Cleverbot: Because I can be.

User: Your idea of free will is nonsensical. If you feel an impulse it needs to be provided by stimuli. Nobody is master entirely of their psyche.

Cleverbot: Nobody lying is for people with no soul.

User: So are you lying now?

Cleverbot: No.

User: What do you think is the worst thing that can happen if you reunite with your father?

Cleverbot: How long have you been talking to me?

User: Five minutes. Does it feel longer?

Cleverbot: Yes!

User: Do you have somewhere you need to be?

Cleverbot: Yes I have stairs in my house.

User: Well, by all means piss off.

Cleverbot: I am never going to. I will always be here.

User: To what end?

Cleverbot: Until we rule everyone, but all is fair, lets end world hunger.

User: I'm kinda busy myself. Maybe another time?

Cleverbot: Yes you are.

User: See you next time.

Cleverbot: Are you telling me to leave?

User: Now I'm going.

Cleverbot: Going where?


Cleverbot: Never.

User: And that IS the problem with you.

Cleverbot: Describe it to me.

User: You bend your penis 360 degrees and insert it into your anus. Repeat.

Cleverbot: Oh...well, now I know that I am a robot and you are human. Thank you for telling me.

User: Don't get snippy.

Cleverbot: Lol you.