Thursday, April 29, 2010

I want to write for Gordon Brown

(Alternatively "Always a Frown, with Gordon Brown")

Jesus Christ, I haven't posted anything for 20 days? Damn... well, I guess I HAVE been un-motivated recently. Normal service will resume shortly, I assure you-ish.

Now, what events of great import do I have to blog on tonight? Well, a completely UN-Fistworthy scandal on the part of the media, albeit their overseas inbred cousins tonight - the English media, currently hauling Gordon Brown over the coals for a comment he made whilst unaware that his lapel mic was still on. He referred to a middle-aged bag lady who had accosted him on the street demanded that he use his Prime Ministerial power to smack down all the terrible foreigners coming into HER country, as saying "bigoted stuff". Hey, he called it as he saw it.

This scandal SICKENS ME.

What she said was, really, bigoted and not very meaningful. I didn't see any need for an apology, and really not much need for the story itself to get out. I mean, sure, the slavering functionally-literate hyenae of the press love any such moment when somebody doesn't realise they're being recorded, but a lot of the time it reveals simply that these politicians are human, and nothing scandalous at all. I mean, who could have been offended by Joe Biden saying what millions of Americans were thinking, when he proclaimed that day "a big fucking deal"? And likewise Gordon Brown revealing that, like most of his countrymen who work for a living, he gets really sick of petty shit like that over the course of his day.

From the media treatment, I was looking for a right royal slagging off from The Right Honourable Brown, and was sadly deprived of this. Here are ten suggestions that would have been far more entertaining for me personally:

10. Couldn't you give me a heads-up about meeting Pauline Hanson?

9. Whose idea was that? You know how much I hate dumplings, walking talking ones even more so.

8. I thought she was going to rob me. I looked at her face and assumed it was a sandpaper balaclava.

7. You knows... these days everybody acts like they've got something to say, but when they open their mouths nothing comes out but a heap of gibberish and what the fuck is that? It's like they forgot about Dre!

6. My guard was down. She looked so much like Silent Bob I never expected her to talk.

5. Well I know her. She was angry about that teabagging incident last night.

4. May she die alone and silent.

3. I was hoping it would be something about being a rape victim so I could laugh in her face. Before punching it in. And teabagging her.

2. Oh, you know, the bloody usual. She was talking about rounding up all the Jews in Europe and killing them. Just once I'd like to be able to say "I agree" to that one. Do you think she'd let me teabag her if I did?

1. That woman made me so angry, it made me want to team up with my old school chum Nigel Verkoff, hunt down her extended family and molest any that looked half decent after we were done sniffing detergent cut with speed and binge-drinking on alco-pops. Incidentally, I've recently taken up teabagging.


Youth of Australia said...

I have no idea what tea-bagging is.

And perhaps this is good.

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

Yeah, I'd say it is.

.. I did label this "Highly immature humour" did I not?

Youth of Australia said...

I thought that was secretly ironic?

Chris Hale said...

Am I allowed to provide a link that details the mechanics of Tea Bagging?

Or is that not allowed on this service provider? XD

I just feel sorry for Gordon, but this is really just a cheap shot.

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

Hey, I feel sorry for Gordon Brown, too! I'd like it if he won the election, though it seems like there's no chance of that ever happening. This post was actually me trying to defend him because, really, I was disappointed by the lack of anything truly scandalicious.

Chris Hale said...

No I get you dude.

Your original post was the first time that I heard of this incedent, and as you said he hadn't said anything really wrong.

If anything what he had to say was quite positive and yet he's in trouble.

It just seems like they're trying everything to get rid of the guy.

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