Saturday, September 26, 2009

So... who sucks?

I just read an article praising South African pig-human DNA crossbreeding experiment gone horribly wrong (and part-time cricketer) Jacques Kallis to the high heavens to the point I found it nauseating, so of course immediately did an exact phrase Google search for "Jacques Kallis sucks" to get a different viewpoint. No results.

On a hunch, I did a Google search for "Ricky Ponting sucks" - 1,080 results. This then made me think - who does the internet deem to suck the most.

"Steve Fielding sucks" - unthinkably zero results. I guess it's small-country politics... does this line of thinking carry through...

"Robert Mugabe sucks" - 5,920 results! Seems a bit of an understatement of course..

Matthew Yglesias » Mahmoun's Style Robert Mugabe sucks. Musharruf sucks. Putin sucks. Castro sucks. They all suck regardless of whether ...

On a similar vein "Gaddaffi sucks" - just 3 results. His popularity isn't doing too badly in spite of his hour-long speech in which he blamed the CIA for creating swine flu and demanded 7.77 trillion dollars in unmarked notes in a brown paper bag. Though he isn't testing too well with this bloke:

Colonel Gaddafi wants to 'abolish' Switzerland - The Something ... 3 Sep 2009 ... gaddafi sucks the dick to whoever can provide him with wealth or weapons so he can keep his retarded system intact... # ? Sep 03, 2009 21:04 ...

When I think of African dictators, I think of James Gandolfini. My therapist is working on that. He only gets 1 suck, though - I guess everyone's too scared of getting whacked. What about his cousin in Jolly Old England - the Rt Honourable Gordon Brown?

Whooo, best one yet! Gordon Brown gets a mighty 32,800 results. After all, the poms know a lot about what sucks, having invented about 40% of it.

Speaking of which, let's see how much love the Poms two best cricketers, Andrew Flintoff and Kevin Pietersen, pretty much the ONLY guys they have to be respected internationally, are getting courtesy of the intaweb...

Well, Freddy comes off clean. But Pietersen - no such luck. 44 hits, including:

Who The Fuck Is Kevin Pietersen? – blog – coda.coza 16 Sep 2007 ... I would love to punch Kevin Pietersen · Kevin Pietersen se p035 · Kevin Pietersen Sucks. And that's that. I'm off to watch the rest of the ...

Also a Facebook page solely dedicated to his suckage.

Would they even attempt the unthinkable...

Good God, 8 hits for "Tom Baker sucks"! YOU MANIACS!

While we're on Doctor Who... here's one I think will set Google off..

335 for Russell T Davies sucks. Okay, he gets off lighter than Mugabe, that at least is a relief. Creepily only 2 less hits for "Matt Smith sucks" when the guy hasn't even appeared on screen. (Though, to be fair, there is a slight aura of suckage in the air...)

Hmm, the world of music now... knowing both the eloquence and patience of musos, I'm sure there shall be very few results..

Icehouse - 228
Danny Elfman - 1,120
Mozart - 1,910
Limp Bizkit - 2,960
Morrissey - 3,030 (just for Spara)
Creed - 4,630
Wolfmother - 5,030
Eminem - 5,340
The Rolling Stones - 5,540
Ben Lee - 8,670
Hinder - 8,710
Nickelback - 9,300
Tom Petty - 17,400
Ben Folds - 22,000

Hey, sayWHAT? Benji-boy, my favourite musician of all time hands-down comes ahead of all those other losers in terms of musical suckage. This...cannot BE! I shall be seriously unhappy if some popular bands don't come a ridiculously long way ahead of him...

Jimi Hendrix - 25,000
Radiohead - 31,600 (just for Spara)
Bob Marley - 35,300
Linkin Park - 46,100
The Foo Fighters - 51,700
Bob Dylan - 84,900
The Beatles - 477,000

Ah, glad that's sorted.

I guess this message of this is, in one sense that the internet has no sense of scale because you can't argue by any stretch of the imagination that The Beatles are worse than Gordon Brown which is itself worse than Robert Mugabe.

The second thing is that it's safe to ignore anybody talking about music anywhere on the internet... but then this is admittedly something I've thought for quite a long time.


Youth of Australia said...

I tell you what sucks - how they finally write out Charley forever ever ever ever!

Utter bollocks! Utter, utter bollocks! All the more worse by the fact the story isn't half bad (especially considering it's written by the man who perpetrated Vengeance of Morbius), but it's like they just ran out of ideas doing TGWNW and ran out of recording time, so once the whole Sixth Doctor bit was sorted out, they had no idea what to do next - so she's left on a spaceship somewhere, suicidally depressed and with no idea what to do next.

Well, forgive me mightily for expecting some kind of proper ending for a character...

Mind you, considering BF's past record, maybe it's better this way than, say, Paul Margrs doing a story where Charley becomes the Preying Mantis Queen of Prehistoric Earth, repeatedly tries to rape people and then dies of old age in Victorian Britain...

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

Well, that's what happens after the spaceship crash-lands on Earth..

Seriously, though, that does disappoint me - I was hoping that Charley/Six would go on for a long time because they're one of the best Doctor/companion pair ups out there as far as I'm concerned. Charley's awesome.

Nothing to suggest Peter's not going to come across the spaceship?

Youth of Australia said...

I wish I could say "yes" but I can't. What with Indie's comments on the CD extras, and with the story dubbed "the Charley finale" by all concerned, it seems this is the end of the road and she just... disappears.

I have a vain hope that she might rejoin the Eighth Doctor as apparently there's a huge secrecy around Lucie's replacement.

But, like I said, it's a vain hope.