Monday, September 15, 2008

I have fifteen minutes to kill...

Can I make a blog post in that time?

Well, looking around Ourimbah Uni I have been wondering why exactly it is that a lot of university students believe that dipping a dead badger in peroxide and strapping it to their head after it has dried is a decent susbtitue for a hairstyle.

I have also, today especially, been amazed at the size of tits on the female students. And this in turn got me thinking about breasts - surely the most controversial and over-analyzed part of the anatomy? Firstly, I think that the entire size issue is quite ridiculous - a commonly cited 'fact' is that Lara Croft, infamous heroine of the Tomb Raider action-adventure video games is anatomically impossible, that she wouldn't even be able to balance etcetera etcetera.

It certainly is arguable whether any woman with the acrobatic omnipotence of Ms Croft would have enough flesh on her body to support such a weighty rack, and then whether a professional lady with such a noticeable chest would further amplify the effect by constantly wearing a shirt that seems to be two sizes too small, but at the same time her breasts were only ever 'large'. And what's 'large'? Significantly above average. And an average is formed by virtue of having thousands upon thousands of samples below and above. Really, how meaning are averages.

I think the controversy over the size of Lara Croft's tits is largely man-made, in the fact that the game is made by programmers, who we all know are sexually unfulfilled losers. Interestingly the world seems to make no comment on basically every male game hero being an adonis who can also bullet-dodge and use martial arts with brutal skill, but then double standards are universal aren't they?

The other thing about breasts that I've noticed, is that it's a bad time in the world to have them. One of my least favourite Seinfeld episodes is the one where Jerry suspects that his girlfriend, played by Teri Hatcher, has fake breasts. Not that I can't appreciate the humour in this scenario, or of Elaine guerilla groping her in a health spa to find out, but that Hatcher was cast purely because she had a pretty face and could play comedy. With everyone in the show ignoring the fact that her breasts are average sized.

Sometimes I just think that people don't have much of a sense of perspective from things like that. Or maybe girls eat more and get more fresh air and exercise here on the Central Coast than in more heavily metropolized areas? Food for thought.

Christ, only four minutes left and I'm coming across like some sort of boob-obsessed buffoon. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Me and the rest of the internet, at any rate.

I've recently discovered that I'm a two-finger typist. Apparently that's unusual, because it was remarked upon in the documentary of The Pirate Planet that Adams was a two-fingerer himself. How many am I meant to use for God's sake? I can type up a hurricane with these mothers!

Anyway, Assassin in the Limelight has amazingly gotten better in the next two episodes. It's decided to fuck off with the historical cliches that made up the entire first episode and replace them with pure, unadulterated, historical batshit-insanity (A character pledging to stick a false moustache on, pretend to be Booth, shoot Lincoln, take the moustache off and pretend to have killed him and present the body - before being knocked out) Quite nice. But then the cliffhanger to Episode 3 goes and fucks it up with the monster that attacked Max Miller showing up and going "AHA, I SHALL KILL ALL HUMANS!" Wow. That's mind-expanding.

And, shcokingly, all the actors involved are actually Canadian and/or American. Do the director's say "Okay, that's good - but can you make it sound more like a character off of The Muppet Show?"???

Anyway - POST!


Youth of Australia said...



This for some reason keeps reminding me of last week's South Park where the inhabitants discover that cat urine inhaled can transport them to a dungeons & dragons like dimension with a breast fetish that would scare most normal people.

Also, I'll just say I was a tad surprised when Roz Hammond revealed her Pamela Anderson like vital statistics in the Librarians after being, at worst, flat chested in the McCallif show.

I've got a bit of time for Mrs. Anderson though. Not cause of her tits, but because she actually has a brain few are willing to acknowledge, and a wicked sense of humor. While her shows Stacked and Striperella aren't going to beat Black Books or Drawn Together when the final reckoning takes place, they ARE funny and PA must have SOME brains if she can take the piss out of herself so thoroughly and then write it down.

One of my favorite bits is when Siamese Twins go to a strip club to introduce his brother to the stripper he's fallen in love with. Just think about that.

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

*Sigh* I wrote a response but Blogger ate it. Just wanted you to know I'm not ignoring you but at the same time not going to type it up a second time..

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

Oh, Christ! "Zac Efron to play lead in Footloose remake"! Is that a sign of the oncoming apocalypse or what???

Youth of Australia said...