Thursday, March 13, 2008

Token Post re: Nick Briggs = Evil

So, I did something that I don't do too often - check out the Big Finish website wondering if they would happen to have one of their competitions on, even though due to the progressively underwhelming nature of their competitions logically by this year it should be "Send in a photo for a chance to be chosen to lick Jason Haigh-Ellery's boots", and find a post marked "Nicholas Briggs To-Do List".

Hmmm.

I was naturally curious as to whether this would be:

a) A rub-in-the-faces to EVERYONE that he does the voices for every alien in the New Series, and thus lots of going on about his excursions to Cardiff and how David Banks isn't making them.

b) A treatise on "Why I'm too busy to read anything from you sad losers"

c) A carefully encoded message revealing his secret plan to take over BBC Wales and make himself the 11th Doctor.

Naturally, I'm going for 'c' as the resultant list is stultifyingly dull and I've already commited myself to making a post about it.

GTC cover issues

I have never heard of 'GTC' before but I think he's talking about resolving issues with his new cover story... that of being GTC. Clearly initials. But of whom? How about Graham T. Creed, the new weatherman on ABC1? Yes, that's right. With a wig Nick Briggs could almost look similar to the bent-nosed freak.

Now, you've undoubtedly noticed that Mr Creed's predictions throughout the entire Summer have been laughably inaccurate and that he has failed to warn us of any storms. Inevitably this will lead to him getting fired. And where do all fired weathermen go? The Weatherman's Graveyard. Co-incidentally, in Cardiff.

Now, if that isn't terrifying enough for you...

Puccini. [I’ll say no more for now. But this too has been ticked. Done!]

Deliberately the most cryptic of all clues. But 'puccini' mushrooms are the key ingredient in the soup 'muligatawny' in Seinfeld's infamous 'soup nazi' episode. What is 'muligatawny'? A form of Indian soup. So this puccini represents an Indian gift. What Briggs given the production team? Nothing but his vocal skills.

So Briggsy is going to go on strike at some point, throwing the DW production office into turmoil... but when?

GTC trailer
Hmm, another reference to Graham Creed. Through hacking into the RTA's registration website I have discovered that the registration number for Graham Creed's caravan is 'RVA48-73'. Run that through the Enigma decoder and you get "Haha, my name is Nick Briggs and I'm the executive producer of Big Finish. Also, way to fall for a red herring, arsehole."

Son of a bitch...

Read Story 112 one-parter script.

This may seem straight forward to, you know, other people. But that's the beauty of it! 'Read' isn't a verb - it's a name! An incredibly rare last name possessed of only one person in my knowledge - English cricketer Chris Read. Whose batting average in the West Indies in 2005 was 66.25 - half of 112. 'story' clearly means 'storey' the floor of the hotel in which Read stayed during the tour, and 112 means that there's something hidden up at his room number multiplied by 2. Possibly a 'one parter script'. What would the name of this script be?

2009 subscriber special storyline notes
Nah, that means nothing. Even BF don't care about the subscriber stories.

Eighth Doctor and Lucie story 3.3 storyline – black-in red notes and send to Cardiff

Okay, 3.3... what was story 3.3? No, not Gridlock you RTD-obsessed freaks! It was The Myth Makers. A story about a giant horse. So clearly Princess Anne is involved. The terms 'black-in-red notes' is gibberish, clearly, so can only be more code. Returning to the sinister cricketing them there is one team that is black and plays in red uniforms - The West Indes. The most famous player of which is Brian Lara, who also scored 400 runs in a match where he played when Chris Read had been dropped from the English squad in favour of Geraint Jones. It all fits!

From this it is clear that the date upon which Briggs will put his plan into action will be 400 days after Brian Lara marries Princess Anne. And that isn't too far away...

Story 116 storyline to complete.

Yeah, that's just gibberish.

But he goes on to say: [A significant adventure for the Sixth Doctor and Charley. I’ve written the storyline for Part 1 and the end of Part 4. I know how it starts, I know where it’s going and how it ends. I just have to work out exactly how I get there. Yes, I need a middle! Don’t we all?]

Man, doesn't that sound cool? Sixth Doctor and Charley! Couldn't get any toffier voices on audio...

Wait a minute.. hang on...Toffy? TOFFY MUSIVAND! A guy who makes artificial hearts.

Who could possibly need an artificial heart...

Story 117 script to read.

Oh my god.. he's planning to steal Chris Read's heart! Using a method outlined in the one-hundredth-and-seventeenth DW story which was...

Castrovalva. Huh. I thought I'd get a story that would give me a little more to work with.

I'm sort of over this now...

5 comments:

Youth of Australia said...

I'd tell you what he was talking about but it's not half as interesting as what you've got there.

6 and Charley really DO work well - she is on a desperate mission to change his future (she thinks 8 is dead) and he is trying to work out how the hell some 1930s girl knows so much about him...

Their first story together, The Condemned, was a haunted apartment kinda gig, like The Grudge.

I'm dreading the day I look at Briggsy's imbd page to see how many people he's played. In the new series alone he's been the voices of every Dalek, Cybermen, Judoon, Nestene, as well as the toys. Plus all his roles in BF and BBV, and the AVs... he was even in The League of Gentlemen, presumably as part of his plan to assassinate Mark Gatiss and Chris Eccleston before they made it big...

My favorite however, is him playing Beran the Thal Muto Spy in I, Davros. Davros cuts out Beran's brain and plugs it into a prototype Dalek, so THAT is why Daleks sound like Nicholas Briggs!

They then dwell on this in the documentary, just in case the megalomaniac doesn't get his point across. HE isn't impersonating Roy Skelton or David Graham when he does Dalek voices, THEY were impersonating HIM!

BWahahahahaahahahahahaha!

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

I'm dreading the day I look at Briggsy's imbd page to see how many people he's played.

I know, it pisses me off!

Sure, he's a good voice actor, but I'd like some variety.

Finished listening to The Space Wail not long ago. Was AMAZED he wasn't in it...

They then dwell on this in the documentary, just in case the megalomaniac doesn't get his point across. HE isn't impersonating Roy Skelton or David Graham when he does Dalek voices, THEY were impersonating HIM!

God, he's madder than Mad Jack MacMad, the winner of last year's Mr Madman competition...

Were you going to see David Banks in Sydney? Or would you have already met him two dozen times?

Youth of Australia said...

I know, it pisses me off!
Sure, he's a good voice actor, but I'd like some variety.

Actually, the AVs are about the best bet for that, since there was the inevitable 'doubling/tripling up of cast', he had to do accents and stuff like that...

But I think the biggest stretch he has is playing a 1940s Brigadier substitute in Island of Lost Souls.

Well, he never once tries to pretend he's really the Doctor, which is very rare for "human" parts...

Finished listening to The Space Wail not long ago. Was AMAZED he wasn't in it...
Was AMAZED they used the godawful bloke just because he was the most famous fan amongst them. THAT, Jared, THAT is supposed to be Peter Davison's Doctor!

Insane he may be, but Briggsy was audio morphine after that sub-Chip-Jamison performance...

God, he's madder than Mad Jack MacMad, the winner of last year's Mr Madman competition...
I might have just smiled at the irony until they shove it in your face and laugh hysterically.

Yet the hilarity of having Mike Yates being Davros' father is never, ever referred to...

Were you going to see David Banks in Sydney? Or would you have already met him two dozen times?
I've not met him at all, and I can get him to sign my Cyberman book... one downer, though, it's March 30.

My mum's birthday.
And the day before is my dad's birthday. (They're Gemini twins, and technically born on the same day of the same year, but international datelines...)
So I could be partied out.
It's too early to say.

Jared "No Nickname" Hansen said...

Actually, the AVs are about the best bet for that, since there was the inevitable 'doubling/tripling up of cast', he had to do accents and stuff like that...

Oh, that's good. Because Nick Brigg's voice is so easy to pick I find it sometimes even breaks the fourth wall...

Well, he never once tries to pretend he's really the Doctor, which is very rare for "human" parts...

Indeed it is.



God, you just got me thinking about the BF of Minuet again. What the hell were they thinking..?

Was AMAZED they used the godawful bloke just because he was the most famous fan amongst them.

Oh, so that's why.


So I am supposed to have actually heard of him, then?

THAT, Jared, THAT is supposed to be Peter Davison's Doctor!

..what? It just sounded like some mumbling nerd in a monotone speaking away from the microphone.

He didn't sound very Davison-ish in character, either. More Troughton-y...

Insane he may be, but Briggsy was audio morphine after that sub-Chip-Jamison performance...

I concentrated on the other actors, because they were much better.

..though was Greg meant to sound like he was hitting on every male member of the cast?

Yet the hilarity of having Mike Yates being Davros' father is never, ever referred to...

Oh, come on, that's gold! Wake up to yourselves, BF!

I've not met him at all, and I can get him to sign my Cyberman book...

Cool.

one downer, though, it's March 30.

My mum's birthday.


Not cool.

And the day before is my dad's birthday. (They're Gemini twins, and technically born on the same day of the same year, but international datelines...)
So I could be partied out.
It's too early to say.


Fair enough. I guess I'll stay tuned for more news.

Youth of Australia said...

Oh, that's good. Because Nick Brigg's voice is so easy to pick I find it sometimes even breaks the fourth wall...
I mistook a couple of people in a doco the other night for him...

God, you just got me thinking about the BF of Minuet again. What the hell were they thinking..?
As far as I can make out they were thinking:
"ARRGH! ARGH! McGann says yes! He gives us one week! What scripts do we have? One Tom Baker threw back and... and?! ARGH! Right, get the scripts from AVs! And don't screw this up, Briggsy! I'm getting Anthony Stewart Head to play Gideon, got that?! Good."

Oh, so that's why.
Yep. A steep learning curve. I'm still confused why they wrote a story around a pun of "The Space Whale".

So I am supposed to have actually heard of him, then?
In 1983, in England, yes.

He has vanished without a trace since then.

..what? It just sounded like some mumbling nerd in a monotone speaking away from the microphone.
He didn't sound very Davison-ish in character, either. More Troughton-y...

Well, he was supposed to be the Fifth Doctor, hence the references to cricket in episode one.

I concentrated on the other actors, because they were much better.
They couldn't be much worse.

..though was Greg meant to sound like he was hitting on every male member of the cast?
I think that may have been a foible of the actor, who was apparently just some guy they got in, rather than a Who fan.

Oh, come on, that's gold! Wake up to yourselves, BF!
Their one scene together was hysterical:
Dad: Ah, Davros, did you miss me?
Davros: Aren't you dead yet?
Dad: *coughs up lung* I'm working on it!

Cool.
Not cool.

Yeah.

Fair enough. I guess I'll stay tuned for more news.
I still wanna go, though.