Friday, October 12, 2007

Jared is concerned

Wikipedia is a bit baffling at the best of times. The fact that there are individual pages for basically every alien to appear in Doctor Who, complete lists of Power Ranger episodes, and also... see, this was the bit where I was going to link to a wiki moderator's own Wikipedia page, filled with proud details about how he believes that the current status of female independence is an anthropological blind alley and suffers from Asperger's Syndrome. The forum where I got the link is down so just take my word for it: messed-up stuff.

ANYway, I've discovered that I've vandalised Wikipedia. Officially, that is. No, I'm not talking about my adjustments to certain details in the page about Italy's 'win' over Australia in the last World Cup - every detail of my edits on that occassion were legitimate and sensible, and were in fact TOO SENSIBLE for those defective women-hating beef-eating assburger mods to handle. No, when I go in, Wiki plays me like a straight G!

Welcome to Wikipedia. It might not have been your intention, but your recent contribution removed content from Solar power. Please be more careful when editing pages and do not remove content from Wikipedia without a good reason, which should be specified in the edit summary.

..saywhat? I then open up the page for my IP and see the edits that 'I' have made...

15:19, 4 August 2007 (hist) (diff) Solar energy‎ (→Disadvantages)
14:20, 4 August 2007 (hist) (diff) Chernobyl disaster‎ (→Comparison with other disasters)
14:05, 4 August 2007 (hist) (diff) Nuclear power‎ (→Air pollution)
14:03, 4 August 2007 (hist) (diff) Nuclear power‎ (→Health effect on population near nuclear plants)
13:06, 4 August 2007 (hist) (diff) Nuclear power‎ (→Health effect on population near nuclear plants)
07:54, 4 August 2007 (hist) (diff) Pippa Black‎
05:08, 4 August 2007 (hist) (diff) Pippa Black‎
05:05, 4 August 2007 (hist) (diff) Pippa Black‎

Yep, it's confirmed... I edited none of those pages. I haven't even LOOKED at them (except the last one, to try and find out who the hell 'Pippa Black' is) So what does this tell me? Somebody else is using my IP. But who? And why?

From the above, I can make the following deductions: they hate Nuclear power, wish to spread propaganda about a minor parking infringement in the village of Chernobyl that the liberal media blew out of proportion, have money invested in solar power, and masturbate over fairly obscure young Australian actresses.

Yeah, you read it right. Al Gore is stealing my fucking internet.

I've made a powerful enemy. Okay, he will never, ever, ever be President. Okay, his movie was a commercial failure and he's currently being upstaged by Leonardo diCaprio. Okay, he thought that [insert band you don't like] would be awesome at Live Earth. Okay, he invented the term 'carbon footprint', and thus unleashed a new breed of sickening yuppie-ism to infuriate those of us NOT middle class enough to wear an all-beige ensemble. But he has more money than me. And his BMI is definitely bigger than mine, so the bastard has the weight advantage in a fight.

Worst still, that Gore is clearly setting me up as a fall guy? But for what?

This should give you the answer:

The Liberal media is up on arms that Jacqui Smith, aka 'that woman' is showing too much cleavage. In spite of the fact that I've seen more cleavage on a cat. When did I read about this affair? Today. The same day I discovered that Al Gore was using my IP 59 days ago. 59 backwards makes 95. 1995 started with a Sunday. What kind of day is Sunday? A bloody one. So clearly we're dealing with an assassination plot.

But of whom? The clue's in the edits - Pippa Black is more than the Al Gore sex-slave of tommorrow - according to her page (the cad left the clue for me to find - how insufferably smug!) she's appeared in adverts for Australis Cosmetics. 'Australis' means Southern, and 'cosmo' is universal. Who is the most stereotypical and offensive Southerner known to mankind? A mister George Walker Bush, 43rd president of the United States of America.

Yes, you heard it here first. I am Mark Wahlberg from Shooter, and Al Gore is Morgan Freeman. This really sucks.

And, to think, all I wanted was to add a little something to the ASBOs page:

In the Ben Chatham adventure "The Lords of Ancazar" it is revealed that Ben Chatham is unable to recall the names of lower-class people, so refers to them all as "ASBO Boy/Girl", as a means of supposed flattery.


Youth of Australia said...

Well, I can only try to pick up where you left off...

Youth of Australia said...

Oh. You actually succeeded. Better tell Spara then...