Well, here it is, folks, the newest Ben Chatham story. It features the return of a classic villain and a stunning guest cast. Big Finish are interested:
Horror of The Pagans - A Ben Chatham adventure
Ben Chatham was having a shower while listening to Philip Glass when the phone rang. It was Harriet Jones, who tells Ben about unusually intelligent chavs. Wasting no time, Ben goes to bed so he'll be refreshed for the next day, and eventually sets off to investigate. On route he meets an old friend of his he once had a sexual relationship with (played by Joe Absolom), and together they get drunk. Eventually, they arrive at the scene of the crime, where Ben finds that the Garm plans to blow up the earth, for some reason. Ben takes his shirt off, revealing his smoothe chest
Ben leaps into action, and promptly complains about the colour of the wallpaper, which reminds his companion that the villains are killed by the colour orange. They throw an orange jelly baby at them, killing them and saving the day With the world finally safe, everybody gathers around Ben, and sings "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow". Ben grins sheepishly, and sleeps with every male member of the cast.
Please, remember that this is only a first draft. Will post more after I go to the lavatory.
[*Disengaging Fish-man drive*]
Sorry, couldn't help myself when I found this little beauty. Weeeell, by 'found', I mean it was linked to by BernieFishnotes, who I think has well and truly over-taken me to earn the honour of Sparacanan Pisstaki Generalissimo.
If anyone has stumbled across this site from a muddled google search and has no idea what I'm talking about, I'm afraid there really is no translation available. But just look at the above story, and then compare it to the genuine article. Spot any differences? Neither did I!
Apologies about not updating the blog much recently. Will do so after I've had some port. Er, no, I didn't mean to say that...