Saturday, February 3, 2007

CUBETUBE

Yep, more of Doktor Cube. Admit it, it's your favourite segment. Next week's edition may be delayed unless the guy who writes this hurries up and gets back from Queensland so I can locate some of the fabled 'missing episodes'. (They were in my hotmail account, which has been completely wiped by MSN. Bastards)

Sorry, did I say something? Eh, I'm sure it wasn't important. Moving on to

Part 4:

"WELCOME BACK DR CUBE..." purred Dr Cube's betrayer with all the
voracious silkiness of a lions tail. "I trust you discovered the
little surprise I left for you, I wanted to keep you on your toes for
when we next meeted; now it would seem. I have a contract for you."
One thousand thoughts careened through the Doktor's head all in
line... this is his betrayer. The replacer of the trigger, the hand
behind the armorers hammer. Who knews how deep the corruption went?
One person would. His god damn lawyers. "Yes Dr Cube it is I. Halaphax
Terrenoshan, otherwise known as the Rulemaster." The Rulemaster. Ja
Terreno Rule. "Talking won't do you any good this time, Rule. I nearly
trusted you. I would've thought you would've done a little to ease
your grattitude to me after I rescued you from the streets." The
Rulemaster smiled. "There is nothing Dr, nothing that can ever repay
my grattitude to you. But now I am the ultimate, the omega, the master
of your apprenticeship. You will burn in the fires of your forefathers
Cube, for I have become far more adept than you could possibly
imagine. I am a god. I am the only god. I have changed more than you
could comprehend. The trigger was just the prelude to the sendoff,
which is still yet to come. My dear Cube, talking will do be plenty
good, for this chapter has not yet begun. You are working for me now."
With that the Dr opened fire... with safety locked AK's. The
Rulemaster must have remote controlling over the locking mechanism,
thought Cube. Damn. The lawyers would hear about this. The Rulemaster
then stepped back into the lift and Cube could do nothing but
perilously attempt to reach the doors with an unfocused mind before
they closed. Alas, he could not. Dr Cube then retracted his AK's, and
produced with a crying crescendo two blazing samurai swords, which
rang doom to all those who would stand in the Doktors way... surgery
was about to get ugly. The Dr cast aside the 10 inch iron elevator
doors and then, holding the descending lift cable, cut the cable
holding the lift reverse gear, and then using the lift as a
counterweight went soaring up 128 stories in 0.62 seconds. When the
Doktor reached the 129th floor he focused the lift to stop (with the
Rulemaster inside no less) and stuckone of the swords deep into the
roof of the lift, hoping for a lucky hit. Not caring whether he had
hit or not the Dr left with the other sword and cast aside the 28 inch
thick titanium tristeel lift doors. He stepped into the upper foyeur,
and with a burning vengeance cast his stare across the faces of the 13
officials attending the private dictatorship club officials meeting
being held by none other than--- YOUNG MONEY MIKE CONQUERS AMERIKA!
Letting loose with the fluent norse, Cube yelled "Yo Mike, what the
hell is this gig, dig? God damn that shizza be R33L!" YMMCA responded
in hoarse czech "Yo Cube, god damn this be R33L! And also not at all
what it looks like. Hold on a second, and I'll get you a stretch."
Three seconds later a stretch limosuine pulled up at the lift, and
while the Doktor restocked and replaced his wired equipment drove Cube
the entire 78.9 meters across the stretch foyeur into YMMCA's private
suite, where YMMCA stood alone with an associate known as the
Protector. "HI! I AM THE PROTECTOR! VELCOME TO SVWEDEN AVWAY VFROM
HOME!" TOBECONTINUED!

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